SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
