i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
