I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
