Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
