I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize