jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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