you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
