I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
