whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
