Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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