yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
