i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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