you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
