I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
did you just send me my own nude
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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