Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
