I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
