My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
