My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
