i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize