I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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