ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
