some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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