If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
