just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
