I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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