Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
