I want you more than these girls want KFC
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
