The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
