he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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