My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
