I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
