Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
