Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
