He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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