First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
