So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
