I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i drank out of a bidet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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