So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
