I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
