at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
