Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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