Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
