I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
