She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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