I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
