i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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