you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
