Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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