this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
