Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
