is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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