He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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