i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
