my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
