You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
