Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
