So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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