508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
