Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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