Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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