look no pants
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
