I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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