I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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