i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
