This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
