I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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