They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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