ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
