Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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