i think my tv is drunk
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
