I skipped work to stalk him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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