just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
