I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
