Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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