dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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