There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
