woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
