Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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