I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
