I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
